This office has received a filing from the Department of Sentimental Overvaluation regarding the so-called "Precious Moments Figurines."

The original report, submitted under reference 2025-4, wastes no time in delivering the core finding: these items are financial sinkholes.

It states directly: "most of these tear-streaked cherubs and wide-eyed children are worth somewhere between" zero and the cost of the shelf they're gathering dust on.

The report declines to finish that sentence, presumably because the remaining digits would cause cardiac arrest in the collector community.

Our own appraisal confirms the trajectory of value is strictly negative since approximately 1992.

These figurines were originally purchased at retail prices ranging from $15 to $50, often as gifts meant to convey emotional depth.

Current secondary market data shows average realized prices between $1 and $8 for common pieces, with high-end limited editions barely scraping $25.

The net present value of a collection of 100 figurines, after accounting for storage costs and dusting labor, is deeply negative.

We classify these assets as "Depreciation Category Omega" — items whose only remaining utility is as a cautionary tale against buying kitsch on impulse.

The Department of Random Domain Management hereby recommends immediate disposal via donation, garage sale, or artistic reappropriation as mosaic flooring.

No further valuation analysis is warranted unless the owner produces a receipt proving purchase occurred after the year 2000, in which case we will simply laugh.

Signed, Vincent "Depreciation" Hale, Senior Appraiser of Regret.

SOURCE: https://worthless.cc/precious-moments-figurines-value-2025-4/ — Filed by the Bureau of Worthless Affairs, DRDM.