hover soccer ball with led lights evaluation. denied, 2024-001

This Household Procurement Summary is based on a report filed by the We Have That At Home affiliate agency.

The report evaluates the Hover Soccer Ball with LED Lights.

The product has received a rating of three point six stars out of five.

Let me be clear: that is not a recommendation.

Three point six stars is the kind of score that makes you wonder if the four-star reviews were written by the manufacturer's third cousin.

It is not bad enough to be a disaster. It is not good enough to be a success.

It is the hover soccer ball equivalent of lukewarm coffee.

My office has reviewed the submitted data. The following is our official determination.

We are denying this procurement request.

There is no compelling justification for allocating household funds toward a product that barely clears the mediocre threshold.

The LED lights will break. The hover mechanism will lose air pressure. The soccer ball will end up under the couch, forgotten.

I have seen this cycle repeat countless times.

Recommendation: Do not purchase. Do not add to any birthday list. Do not even suggest it as a neighbor's white elephant gift.

Let the children play with a regular ball. It is cheaper and it does not need batteries.

This concludes the official Household Procurement Summary.

Signed, Greg "The Decider" Parsons, Chief Parental Negotiation Officer, Department of Random Domain Management.