winter hiking trails at niagara falls safe routes and scenic walks. advisory, 3291-w

This advisory is issued by the Department of Random Domain Management, Water Volume & Disappointment Analysis Division.

The original guide was filed by the Niagara Falls Winter Trails Office, referenced as "Winter Hiking Trails at Niagara Falls: Safe Routes and Scenic Walks" available at thefalls.net.

We have reviewed the material. We are professionally disappointed.

The guide claims to offer a complete overview of safe routes and scenic walks for winter hiking at Niagara Falls.

We note that winter conditions at Niagara Falls include ice, hidden slush, and wind speeds that reduce standing time to approximately four minutes.

The safe routes described are paved paths that have been salted. The scenic walks are the same paths, but with more frozen mist in your face.

Tourists are reminded that wearing sneakers with no traction will result in an unplanned sitting event on the pavement.

Hiking poles are recommended. Ignoring this recommendation is a local tradition.

The original source does not address the volume of visitors who will still attempt to photograph the edge of the falls while standing on black ice.

We have resigned ourselves to this reality.

All visitors must stay on designated trails. Closed barriers mean the path has actively tried to kill someone recently.

Do not climb over railings. Do not lick metal railings, regardless of how authentic the experience feels.

This advisory replaces no prior advisories because previous advisories were also ignored.

Misty Dewhurst, Water Volume & Disappointment Analyst, Department of Random Domain Management.

SOURCE: https://thefalls.net/winter-hiking-trails-at-niagara-falls-safe-routes-and-scenic-walks/ — Filed by the Bureau of Thefalls Affairs, DRDM.